Social relations

These are the thoughts that came out to me when I started pondering over some of the happenings I witnessed since my childhood. Seeing and analysing is one of the tasks of human mind and based on the analysis the individual concerned modifies his/her principles in life and build the values he/she wants to inculcate in himself/herself. It is not necessary that what is written here is strictly observed but I feel that my act would be governed by these thoughts:

Basis of a good social relationship 

When we talk about a relationship, we may understand it in a large perspective as a feeling which is created between people during their social or individual interaction. The commencement of an initial interaction may or may not culminate into a strong emotional  bond among people or two individuals. When an emotional bond is created, we call it a relationship. Why a relationship develops? If we do not like an individual in the first and/or subsequent interaction, we are not interested in taking the interaction further and the chances of formation of a relationship is not observed. However, the chances of a good relationship develops when one finds some positive traits in the person he/she is interacting with. The continued interactions thereof leads to a good relationship which can last forever. Therefore, one can say that A GOOD HUMAN RELATIONSHIP IS BUILT UPON THE SOLID PREMISES OF POSITIVE TRAITS OF PEOPLE. A human relationship cannot be constructed considering the negatives of a person. It is important to observe that a situation where others aspire to teach you a lesson in the strained times cannot be called a relationship at all. It is better to go out of such relation as soon as possible.

Natural human tendencies

'Human is to err'. As humans, we know by ourselves that none of us is an island and none of us is perfect. As humans we possess strengths as well as weaknesses. However, it is highly subtle to define strength and weaknesses in a generalised manner. These vary from the perspectives we want to see the same in the people. However, there are some human tendencies which always act as inhibitors in developing a good human relation e.g. greed, envy, anger, ego, hatred, aspirations, expectations etc. Each and every human being have these tendencies, which is a natural phenomenon. These inhibitors left uncontrolled would play a havoc on the social fabric and therefore need to be controlled by inculcating principles in our life governed by moral values. Then question comes, what is the morality. The answer again is difficult but can be understood as the virtues that govern us in interacting with people in the society keeping in view that an individual's act will not harm the freedom or the self respect of other people. In other words, one should not do to others what he/she may not like to be done to him/her. It is easier to write it here as an abstract value but is really difficult to observe in absolute practical terms. However, one may strive to not to indulge in such act knowingly. One might hurt others unknowingly but at least there is a chance that the other person can point out to you and you can mend your mistake. But if one does is knowingly, there is no chance of retribution.

Why the relations are strained

In our daily life, we witness estrangement of newly married people, who loved each other before marriage but could not remain together after marriage, husband-wife preferring divorce in place of living together, family relations are so strained that people go out of the relationship, social relations are so easily destroyed. What is the possible reason? The people concerned are not ready for the situation at hand!! YES. Because of our positive traits we build the relationship but due to our negative traits we destroy it. In this process, we generally forget that we also have negatives, as we are human being. However, once we consider that we also may be at fault, our anger towards others will subside and we will not feel extremely judgmental on others' behavior. It is the rarest of the rare situations when we talk of the positives of the people with whom our relationship has been strained. This is not wrong at our part because as soon as we start counting the positive trait of others we become self defensive and our anger has to subside which we never want unconsciously. In a nutshell, this is the way how anger leads to anger. Therefore, it is highly necessary to be in touch with people, when we are in anger, who can bring us out from the anger and make us understand the situation at hand in a more logical  and peaceful manner. Otherwise, one should be sure that the relationship at hand is doomed.

Emotional part of a relationship     

As human beings we are emotional too. Going into any human relationship is invariably accompanied with an emotional part of it towards the person you are in relationship with. Therefore, the strained relation is definitely going to affect your inner self and this affect mostly brings unhappiness to you or makes you sad. Then? whats next? Should we live with this emotional trauma and wait until the time heals it? Should we not care for the affect the strained relation has made on others? Should one allow this emotional trap to linger on that leads to loss of peace or people should come together, talk and see that the relation is again built up on the same positive premises on which it was built? These questions should be addressed immediately by us considering the fact that the person concerned was so important to us just because he/she had so many positives which kept us together for so long. However, we should always keep in mind that we must do what gives us peace of mind, keeping our self respect intact (A tormented soul make us low).

What is the way forward?

A good relation has again invariably an emotional part to it as humans are involved. Considering this point, it is true that a strain in relation shall lead to an emotional outburst in the people concerned.

In my opinion, one must not lose the person who had the positives which one liked before the straining of the relation. Therefore, one should make an effort so that the  people concerned come together, talk, share the grievances with a peaceful mind without any prejudice. This is the only solution for a strained relation. However, any grievance sharing and talking in absence of the persons concerned makes, in most of the cases, the relations worst which is destined to doom.

Therefore, we must make our mind as to whether we want the relation revived or not. If the answer is ‘YES’, make all the efforts to come together with the person you loved and do not listen to what others say in a group as it is difficult in a group to discuss the positives.  If the other person comes to you thinking to mend the ways, please do not undermine his/her effort by ascribing it to selfishness or lowliness but give a consideration that the effort might be due to the deep thought that he/she did not forget the positives in you. If you do not respond to that effort you lose the chances of any further effort from the other person because the efforts made is limited by the ‘SELF RESPECT OF THE PERSON CONCERNED’.  If the answer to the question is ‘NO’, leave the situation as it is and do not discuss the same which may lead to the loss of your peace. Live happily thereafter and consider that a person is born alone, grown in a family, and finally does know how to live life without the positives that one could have brought in the person’s life.